Saturday, June 06, 2009

Bean's Bully

R picks Bean up from daycare after work. I usually make it home a couple of hours later - although lately i've been in crunch mode and have been getting home late. Friday after he picked her up he noticed she was acting very odd. After a bit he finally got her to open up about what happened. There's a girl named Serena in her daycare that's been bullying her. We've been working with her to deal with the girl who has a very 'Nellie Olsen' attitude. Friday though it escalated. It was Serena's birthday and she had declared that everyone should do what she says as it's her special day. She then asked who wanted to play with her. Bean offered and Serena says 'No. Not YOU.' Bean has another friend in her daycare that she adores named Kyle. He is closer to age to her, they play pokemon together, we've had playdates and he's what she considered one of his best friends. His mom also works there in the classroom.

Kyle tells Bean to come along and play anyways and be a 'spy'. Serena then tells Bean that she can't play with them because she's a cry baby, Bean tells her that she's not that way any more - she has made huge changes to her maturity this year and is better at handling her emotions. I'm proud of her for understanding that.

Serena then takes Kyle aside and shortly after that Kyle and Serena walk up and Kyle slaps Bean a crossed the face. Bean pushes him away then Serena comes up and shoves Bean hard. Bean push her away from her and at this point Kyle's mom notices what is going on. She breaks it up and tries to get Bean to tell her what happened - but she won't talk because she's Kyle's mom. Instead she's absolutely heart broken that the one friend she thought she could trust betrays her and humiliates her in front of her bully. She spends the rest of the day quitely by herself. Later Kyle asks her if she wants to play and she (thank god) tells him no.

It was so hard for her to tell her Daddy what happened. When I came home she couldn't say it again - he told me and I told her how very wrong it was. How it's not her fault. How what they did wasn't acceptable, cruel, heartless and stupid. She opened up and was able to talk to me about it. I took her out for ice cream and we talked - I depowered Serena by comparing her to Nellie Olsen and told her how stupid Kyle was. I got her to laugh. This morning she woke up in tears again, heart breaking sobs that he had betrayed her and hit her.

I'm pissed as all hell. I can barely hide it.

The daycare is closed over the weekend. I'm taking her into school on Monday then going in to the daycare and talking to the director. I don't blame Kyle's mom - we know her and know that she'll do what a good parent will and in a way I feel for her that this affects her job. But there had better be a bully policy in their handbook.

On a lighter side. We took Bean to a birthday party and she had so much fun. It was for a girl from school . It was good to see Bean amoung friends who were kind and fun to each other. The girls even have a secret handshake that they do with a chant they made up. Bean asked me to make her a doll and I made a poppet and small felt fairy doll to go with her that I had to finish in the car. It was a hit at the party and I had another mom ask if I would make one for her. She's a quilter and we might do a swap. I was just relieved to see Bean connect with people who were nice people.

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